I awoke
in horror as I realized that the warm sensation that I felt on my leg was
actually my urine. I shot up, wetting myself as I rose and suddenly realized
that my leg was on fire. Not literally on fire, but the pain was unbearable,
and it caused me to fall back onto the floor where I completed my piss.
All
things considered, not my worst morning by far.
I lifted
my head, trying to see through the rubble that was my apartment. Luckily, my
fall had been broken by a stack of pizza boxes and a dozen bottles of coke. I
was confused as I could have sworn that it had been a pyramid of Chinese
take-out boxes and red bull cans last night but I didn’t let it bother me that
much.
I was
however, grateful that there were no loose chopsticks lying around. Those hurt.
They really, really hurt.
I
clambered across the empty pizza boxes, cartons and dirty laundry and dragged
myself into the bathroom where I was greeted by a familiar sight, my best
friend and roommate Kabir. Kabir, was almost 6 feet of pure unadulterated ghee,
weighing a whopping 130 kilograms, his doctors had long told him that he ought
to be dead. Credit to Kabir, he didn’t give up so easily.
“Morning
Kabir,” I mumbled as I made one final effort to pull my leg into the bathroom.
“How was your night?”
Kabir,
ever the man of small words, did not reply. Probably because he was curled
around the toilet seat, sleeping. Seeing my opportunity, I pried his pudgy
hands from the porcelain bowl and shoved him off the toilet seat.
Time was
of the essence here as I quickly slipped off my pants and boxers, now wet,
soiled and smelling and placed my buttocks on the cool seat. I winced at the
cold, however as I began to go about my business, my eyes dropped and saw my
leg – Causing me to really wince.
Have you
ever seen what happens to skin if it’s brutally dragged across cement? If you
haven’t, don’t ever find out. If you have, that’s what my leg looked like.
--
I have no idea what I was thinking of when I wrote this, or what I had planned for this story. However, two years later, it's quite an interesting read!
