What's the point of a blog?
Is it a diary?
Is it a portal?
Is it a mirror?
The more I think about it, the more it confuses me. I used to seek solace in writing on this page, but now, more and more, I find greater comfort and solace in keeping my thoughts to myself.
Could this be a drawback of how my life has moved?
When I first started this thing, I'll admit, I was probably seeking attention. I was done with school, all my friends were in college or something, and I was truly just floating around. I turned to writing because that was a hobby and the blog just seemed like the smart thing to have.
I shared my blog articles, after all, I wanted people to know what I was thinking, I wanted them to connect to me.
That was a mistake. Mainly because in a majority of my emotionally driven blogposts, I've been at some of the most extreme points of my life, happiness or sadness. You don't get to know a person from those points, you get to know them from all the stuff in between.
Now, I'm confident to say that I am aware of the circle of influence that I have, it has gone from being just my close friends, and has become every person that I consistently speak to. I know that if I was to share this blogpost, a majority of them will read it.
Which is why I am disgusted. Mainly, because I wanted to write something, but I am more concerned about what people will think and how they might perceive me after reading it. After all, with the additional readership, a few people are bound to come up to me and say, "Hey, I read your blog, nice work" or something with "nice work" changed.
It's like having an open diary, and while that could be a great thing, it's not. Well, not any more.
I should have realized this when I lost the Student Council elections of 2012. I was so pissed off, I went and put my frustrations online, and within two days, everyone had heard about it, if not read it. It was a dumb move because in that instance, I became vulnerable and additionally, I had completely sabotaged an innocent persons chance at being an efficient leader by crippling them before they even started their job.
I've learnt my lesson, I no longer write emotionally charged emails or get into heated debates with people. But at the same time, I feel that I have lost a key element of Virpratap, the spark of insanity (which is how I would describe it.)
What's this spark of insanity? It's just that little bit of madness that allowed me to do whatever I wanted to do, without really worrying about the consequences. It doesn't mean doing stupid things, I do stupid things every day (the other day I got into a slapping fight with four people, good fun, plenty of insanity.) but the thing that has been lost is something special, it's my personal creativity.
Yes, I could probably develop a Student Council 2.0 in a heart beat, but that's not creativity. I could get up and make a five minute speech with less than two minutes of preparation time; but that's not creativity, that's just something that's come naturally.
I cannot remember the last time I felt the urge to write my Great Novel, the last time I felt the urge to take photos or just do something creative.
If I had to string all of this together, and give it some sort of heading, I would say that growing up is more of a drag than I could have ever imagined.
Or maybe, it's just me. Maybe I've gotten way to serious in the last three years. I know that several people might agree with that premise. However, I can say that that's personal progress, and apparently, you cannot reverse progress.
So what does one do when they have reached this point. This point, which even they are not even sure of? Do they go Buddhist and renounce all worldly ties in the attempt to connect to the self? Or do they roll up their sleeves and rip the throat out of the mess they've created?
Personally, I am pretty sure of what I have to do. I have to do what I've always known I would have to do. Fight for Tomorrow.
Oooo! Philosophical line!
I remember some vague lines about a description of a heroes journey, that the hero does what he does, not because he can, but because he has to. It's not so much a line on destiny, but more of a line on the fact that in some cases you have to do what you must do in order to move something else forward.
If I was to drop whatever I was doing right now, I would not progress, grow or develop. Nor would I revert. I'd just stagnate. I've got to finish what I've started.
I mean, insanity is from within right? So there's a chance that the insanity would come back. Or perhaps I'll find some new kind of insanity to keep myself occupied with.
Is it a diary?
Is it a portal?
Is it a mirror?
The more I think about it, the more it confuses me. I used to seek solace in writing on this page, but now, more and more, I find greater comfort and solace in keeping my thoughts to myself.
Could this be a drawback of how my life has moved?
When I first started this thing, I'll admit, I was probably seeking attention. I was done with school, all my friends were in college or something, and I was truly just floating around. I turned to writing because that was a hobby and the blog just seemed like the smart thing to have.
I shared my blog articles, after all, I wanted people to know what I was thinking, I wanted them to connect to me.
That was a mistake. Mainly because in a majority of my emotionally driven blogposts, I've been at some of the most extreme points of my life, happiness or sadness. You don't get to know a person from those points, you get to know them from all the stuff in between.
Now, I'm confident to say that I am aware of the circle of influence that I have, it has gone from being just my close friends, and has become every person that I consistently speak to. I know that if I was to share this blogpost, a majority of them will read it.
Which is why I am disgusted. Mainly, because I wanted to write something, but I am more concerned about what people will think and how they might perceive me after reading it. After all, with the additional readership, a few people are bound to come up to me and say, "Hey, I read your blog, nice work" or something with "nice work" changed.
It's like having an open diary, and while that could be a great thing, it's not. Well, not any more.
I should have realized this when I lost the Student Council elections of 2012. I was so pissed off, I went and put my frustrations online, and within two days, everyone had heard about it, if not read it. It was a dumb move because in that instance, I became vulnerable and additionally, I had completely sabotaged an innocent persons chance at being an efficient leader by crippling them before they even started their job.
I've learnt my lesson, I no longer write emotionally charged emails or get into heated debates with people. But at the same time, I feel that I have lost a key element of Virpratap, the spark of insanity (which is how I would describe it.)
What's this spark of insanity? It's just that little bit of madness that allowed me to do whatever I wanted to do, without really worrying about the consequences. It doesn't mean doing stupid things, I do stupid things every day (the other day I got into a slapping fight with four people, good fun, plenty of insanity.) but the thing that has been lost is something special, it's my personal creativity.
Yes, I could probably develop a Student Council 2.0 in a heart beat, but that's not creativity. I could get up and make a five minute speech with less than two minutes of preparation time; but that's not creativity, that's just something that's come naturally.
I cannot remember the last time I felt the urge to write my Great Novel, the last time I felt the urge to take photos or just do something creative.
If I had to string all of this together, and give it some sort of heading, I would say that growing up is more of a drag than I could have ever imagined.
Or maybe, it's just me. Maybe I've gotten way to serious in the last three years. I know that several people might agree with that premise. However, I can say that that's personal progress, and apparently, you cannot reverse progress.
So what does one do when they have reached this point. This point, which even they are not even sure of? Do they go Buddhist and renounce all worldly ties in the attempt to connect to the self? Or do they roll up their sleeves and rip the throat out of the mess they've created?
Personally, I am pretty sure of what I have to do. I have to do what I've always known I would have to do. Fight for Tomorrow.
Oooo! Philosophical line!
I remember some vague lines about a description of a heroes journey, that the hero does what he does, not because he can, but because he has to. It's not so much a line on destiny, but more of a line on the fact that in some cases you have to do what you must do in order to move something else forward.
If I was to drop whatever I was doing right now, I would not progress, grow or develop. Nor would I revert. I'd just stagnate. I've got to finish what I've started.
I mean, insanity is from within right? So there's a chance that the insanity would come back. Or perhaps I'll find some new kind of insanity to keep myself occupied with.
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